At home, sick ...no throw-ups, and my fever seems to be gone, but just general "yuckiness". And it's beautiful outside today too...which sucks because it would have been a perfect day to take my babies outside. Since our room has no windows, we jump at any change to throw them in the buggies and go for a walk. Maybe tomorrow will be just as nice...taking walks with them makes the day go by so much faster! And normally, they take good naps after a walk...there is nothing sweeter than the sound of 8 sleeping babies..
I feel like I'm starting to come out of the "funk" that the last 8 months have brought. I have to laugh at myself because being a Psychology major, I know the different stages of grief and that in order for people to "overcome" a trial, they must deal with whatever issue it is. However...lol...that's easier to read and acknowledge for whatever case study, than it is to me to put into action in my own life. I have to realize that the anger, the doubt, the tears, the fear are all natural and they are okay. The part that is not okay is being content to stay in that place. Staying there is draining to the most serious degree. And that's not how I want to live. It's not how I'm called to live.
I could make a never ending list of the ways my family and I have seen God work since August. It's almost overwhelming. God allowed a heart-breaking and terrifying situation to happen, so that healing could happen in the lives of those that have been affected. Like a ripple effect...one persons growth affects another, who affects another. I think we have all dealt with anger, fear, and doubt. For a lot of my family members, it has brought to the surface, old fears or hurts that haven't quite healed yet. But there is something beautiful about being able to heal together. And there is also something beautiful about being able to be there for someone who is having a harder time healing than yourself. I've seen how God has kept His promise to pursue us. He is bringing people into our lives and showing us that He's not gonna give up on us. Even when we doubt. :-)
I won't lie and say "I'm good with it now" because truthfully, I don't think I'll ever be "good" with it. However, I'm humbled and in awe of how God has orchestrated everything. I'm thankful for the chance we've had to re-connect and grow. My family has been an incredible support system and I think I love them more than ever. I've had some great conversations and correspondence with some friends, and I'm also beyond thankful for the amazing husband God has given to me...he's been a constant support and amazing encourager...being willing to hold me and let me cry, or just let me be quiet and think through things.
I didn't sit down with the intent to spill my guts, but whatever...I guess when you've gotta spill your guts, you've gotta spill your guts... :-) Have a good day.
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How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
::We must have ideals and try to live up to them, even if we never quite succeed. Life would be a sorry business without them. With them it's grand and great::
"He gives strength to the weary...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
(Isaiah 40: 29,31)
(Isaiah 40: 29,31)
Blogs that I read...
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
2 comments:
i really like the picture of your family by the christmas tree. it makes me smile.
First of all, I keep finding out more things you and I have in common:) I was a Family Studies major/Psych minor at CU. And I've worked in daycares and am now a nanny. And we both got married pretty young by normal standards.
Etc:)
My mom shared something with me the other day that a friend had told her -- we were talking about my grandpa dying, and how the world is just not the same without him in it. And that will never be okay. It's never going to be okay with me that he's no longer here.
And my mom was talking about me having to move away from Ellis, and she was saying "That's never going to be all the way okay." And it's true -- it's not.
I thought what her friend shared was so beautiful and so true...she said something like "You will never get over the loss, but your soul will learn to include it."
I've really been pondering that a lot lately...and I think that whole process I went thru when we weren't getting pregnant involved that as well -- I've said I had to grieve it in order to keep my joy and carry on, which doesn't seem to make sense. But it was true, and I think what she said is what I was clumsily trying to say -- my soul had to include all of that pain, all of that disappointment, all of that loss...and then I could move forward. Carrying all of that with me, yes, but in a much better way...
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